Thursday, 04 December 2008
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Sad...
I'm so sad again, miserable, and depressed. She does not understand. I am only this way because of her, because of giving up feelings and needs so she can be happy. She gives nothing in return and I have nothing left to give. I need comfort, understanding, and companionship. She bitches about how I sound and that I'm sad. The only way to have a descent conversation or even day is to force myself not to sound sad, to pretend i am not unhappy. If I don't, she gets mad. Why cant she just comfort me and make things better? She trys but a minute later she reverses all her efforts and kicks me down even more. If I complain shes says "I tried and its your fault your still sad!" I am tired of being alone and always soo miserable. I have nothing left to give, nothing left for myself, and yet she stills keeps kicking me down and squeezing the life left of me. She goes out, has fun with her friends while I'm stuck working my ass off to pay off her useless expenses and going home tired only to sit and write essays all night. She goes home and tells me how much fun she had and how happy she is. I'm happy for her but of course hearing this is going to hurt. She doesn't even care about the shit I go through day-to-day. If I start to sound sad of say anything about having a tiring day, she gets mad. She tells me she wants to be happy and I'm fucking that up. I'm soo sick and tiered of feeling like a slave, tiered of living double standards, tiered of being unhappy.
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